the nothing whatever...

Misery is Wasted on the Miserable

...and after not posting anything for the better part of two years, I am now forced into a position where my blog needs to transition itself into something that is no longer about us, but is about me. So let's make this transition as abrupt as possible. Let's talk about feelings.

There has been a range of emotions flooding through me over the past month or so that has been more intense than just about anything I have ever felt. I have felt jealousy, I have felt regret, I have felt rage, I have felt pity. I honestly think I have been in denial for a significant portion of the process, particularly at the start where I seemed to not be feeling anything at all, rather I was an observer to the emotions I was going through, rationalizing and analyzing both our behaviors like it was just some perverse social experiment.

But despite what every economist will tell you, you can't rationalize human behavior. Eventually it sunk in. The day we moved you into your new place was the day that broke me. There is something about an empty room that is such a powerful metaphor, as though by sitting in there alone you are literally housed by misery itself.

And as ridiculous as it sounds, amidst the depths of one of the toughest times in my life, Louis CK helped me through.

I watched an episode one night alone in the apartment, and after the end of the below scene, I just burst out laughing.

At first I wasn't sure why I was laughing, I thought maybe it was at the curtness of the Doctor speaking to Louis, who is obviously going through an immense amount of pain that the Doctor refuses to acknowledge.

But then it became obvious that I was laughing at how seemingly personalized it was to the way I was feeling at the time, and how the Doctor is just so right.

"Misery is wasted on the miserable."

So, rather than mourn and succumb to the heartbreak, I am going to take this sweet sad nugget of love that I am feeling and I am going to keep it forever, and I am going to consider myself a lucky son of a bitch for ever having the chance to love like this in the first place.

Now, back to your regular scheduled programming...